Major Mess
by Agent Frostbite
Summary: Nikki walks in on Stark's experiment. The problem? It's in Jan's kitchen. And there's no way they can fix this before she gets home.


"Oh. My. God." Nikki said when she walked into the kitchen. It was worse than a nightmare.

Tony Stark was standing in front of the counter, trying to hide the red and blue stains on his shirt. She could see the chemistry beakers and vials resting in their stained and scorched racks. The majority of the counter was obscured from view by either Tony or the walls, but what she could see was a mess.

The floor, no longer its neat, caramel color, was covered in white and gray powder, blue and yellow liquid, and some kind of green, gelatinous substance. The wooden cabinets were also covered in the powder, and the oven door was splattered with the liquid. She could also see shimmers of puddles of water all over the floor.

The only time it had even come close to looking worse was when Rhodey had tried to bake.

"What...exactly... am I looking at here?" Nikki said in a tired, annoyed, slightly angry tone. Anyone who lived in the Tower knew that tone meant get off that floor entirely. Maybe hide in the holodeck with a dart gun or dentist drill. Somewhere she wouldn't come while she was angry. Unfortunately for Tony, there was no escape this time.

"Uh..." was the only thing he said. Nikki walked past him and saw the counter. Stained a rainbow of colors and covered in chemistry tools, it wasn't hard to put two and two together. Bruce and/or Hank had gotten fed up with his shenanigans and had kicked him out of the lab. So he simply took his stuff and moved to the upstairs kitchen.

She looked at Laserbeak, who was reading - yeah, right - and not doing much of anything useful. "And why aren't you helping here?" she demanded, her tone finally taking the amount of anger and questioning that was usually expected from her in situations like this.

"Not my problem to watch him. I'm just the peanut gallery," he replied, his eyes never leaving the screen of the laptop he was plugged into. She made a noise somewhere between an incensed scoff and an irritated sigh. Of course Tony had said that.

Turning back to the guilty billionaire, she fixed her piercing gaze on him. "You are going to clean every inch of this kitchen." Tony hung his head and nodded, but didn't move. "That means now."

He snapped up. "Uh, well, actually, Pep and I had a date set for tonight, so I can't really clean it today. I promise, it'll be the _first_ thing on my to-do list _tomorrow_."

"It'll be the _only_ thing on your to-do list _today_ ," she snapped back. "No exceptions."

"That's not fair! We've been planning this thing for two months!" he defended, pumping desperation into his voice in an effort to get a pity plea. Nikki was unmoved.

"Oh, no. You are gonna call Pepper, tell her that you made a mess of the kitchen, and that you'll have to take a rain check. Get to work, sparky," she corrected as she turned to face Laserbeak. "And you-"

"Was not my job to watch him. In my defense, I did tell him to stop, to which he stated I wasn't the boss of him, so my orders didn't count. Upon him finishing that, I said I _recommended_ he stop, to which he told me that I was, and I quote, 'In the peanut gallery and my opinion didn't count.' So I plugged in, read a book, and waited for you to show up."

Though fuming and wanting to argue, criticize, or yell at her nonchalant partner, he'd already eliminated any form of attack or criticism she could throw at him...except for one. "Why didn't you call someone?!"

"Thor and Loki are in Asgard. Banner and Hank are unreachable in the lab. Wanda, Natasha, and Jan are out shopping, and no way I disturb them. Steve, Sam, and Rhodey are training in Holodeck 1 with phones outside and doors locked on voice command. Pietro and Vision are talking, with Clint mediating. T'challa and Danvers are out on a mission. Jarvis didn't seem to think it a situation bad enough to warrant interrupting the others, so I waited," Laser replied.

"You could've called me," Nikki pointed out, rapidly losing her anger toward her partner.

"My comm's still dead," he countered, still not taking his eyes off the screen. She sighed, and turned around just in time to see two things. Tony sneaking out, and Jan catching him leaving the ruined kitchen. Jan let out a scream of surprise and anger at the sight of 'her' kitchen.

"What happened to my kitchen?!" she cried, looking at Tony, then Nikki. Immediately kicking into 'Tower Survival Mode,' Nikki threw her hands up in surrender and took a step back.

"I swear, this was not me!" Nikki replied before Tony could come up with some explanation of how she was involved as well. "It's all him!" she pointed to Tony, who have her a 'Thanks for throwing me under the bus' scowl. When he next turned around, he found himself staring straight into the eyes of a very angry Janet van Dyne.

"You are going to clean _every_ inch of this kitchen with a _toothbrush_ until it is absolutely _spotless_. Am I clear?" she hissed, her rage evident in her posture.

"He has a date with Pepper, and that's a bit harsh," Laserbeak chimed in, again not looking.

"You in the peanut gallery, do not undermine me," Jan said, her tone considerably less angry with Laserbeak than it had been with Tony.

"I rest my case," Laserbeak remarked. Nikki rolled her eyes and began looking for exits. Finally surmising that Jan had no bone to pick with her, she attempted to walk out the door.

"Oh, no, no, no. You remember when you stole that entire plate of snickerdoodles before the 4th of July party, and I had to run around like a chicken with my head cut off making another batch a few minutes before the party started?" Jan more stated than asked. "Well, welcome to punishment. Now, both of you get to work." As she left, the two Avengers stared after her, their voices ringing out, full of the same hopelessness and desperation at the same time.

"That's not fair!"

"Don't care," she called from down the hallway. "Get to work."

"I hate you so much right now, Tony," Nikki muttered as she begrudgingly walked to the closet and started getting out the cleaning supplies.

"Don't worry; the feeling's mutual," he replied as he rolled up his sleeves and they got to work. Cleaning the kitchen spotless. With toothbrushes. It was gonna be a long night.


End file.
